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Thursday, February 21, 2013

HOLY MOSTACCOLI! Let me give you 5 reasons I will NOT be a stay at home mom!

I wont justify the title by saying how much I love my boys with every cubic millimeter of my soul, but HOLY SHITBALLS I could never be a stay at home mommy! Here is why.

1. "Mommy, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, MOM, MOMMA, MOMMA, MOMMY, Momma, Momma, Mommy , Mommy, MOM, MOM, Mom."
Control yourself... "Yes, pumpkin?"
"Can you get me some milk? Oh, Mom, MOM, Mommy, Mommy, MOMMA, MOMMA, Mom, Mom, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!"
"Oh, xanax, Yeah?"
"Can you get me a straw?"
Now my part, "Oh Self Control!... Control, Control, Control, CONTROL, CONTROL!!"
Self Control - "Jesus, WHAT??"
"Where.. Where are you? I cant do this alone!"
"Hey, Mom, Momma, Momma, Momma, Momma, Momma, Momma"
"For the love of god! What what what what what can I DO for YOU???"
"I don't like beans."

I am using every ounce of self control to NOT accidentally put wine into my coffee mug instead of coffee.


2.  By 9 O'Clock this morning toys have fallen on my head from the loft, one kid did a nose plant from the couch, one is "sledding" through the house in a box, the cats have decided that the freezing rain and snow has GOT to be better than whats going on inside the house, (BTW, the cats have never even been outside), one has found batteries to something that came out of something in the bedroom (cough cough), Momma Giraffe looks like she has been "rode hard and put away wet", which brings me to my next point.





3. I'm talking to a (half) stuffed giraffe. The worst part? I CAN RELATE to the way she feels, and the way she looks. "I understand, and were not even 1/4 of the way through the day. We'll tackle this together."

4. The bathroom situation: They have their own bathroom. Oh, but they peed on their seat, so they have to use mine. Can you guess what happens next? Of course they pee on it and walk out without wiping the seat, or flushing. Oh, they did wipe their tush though... with one square.

5. I am watching the last icarly episode ever. I am REALLY in to it too. My eyes are glued to the TV, and even though I should be paying attention to the kids and answering them, this is what's happening instead.
"Ssshh! Carly's dad just walked in! Hes taking her to the dance!"

Bonus: I have yet to shower.


 If you liked this or not, please "Like" and "Share" my Facebook page, Dirt Machines. Maybe someone out there can relate to some of this shit.





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